When the Friendship is Dead…

» Posted on Jan 15, 2015 in Situations we find ourselves in | 0 comments

My Friendship Is Dead. And Facebook Killed It.

There are over 7 billion people on the earth.  So I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m going to assume that everyone knows somebody who stands for and believes different things.

Even if we do there’s a good chance we don’t know it because not everyone goes around enlightening us with their religious or political views.  For me, even when people do, it’s all fine, when done respectfully.

But, this didn’t feel fine…

It’s always been tough for me, as a Christian, to turn my back on people because I’ve always thought it isn’t right, and definitely not for views on things such as politics and religion, as long as they weren’t disrespecting or harming anyone. But this one person was really getting to me…via Facebook.

I was constantly finding myself in a mental moral debate of whether to keep him as a Facebook friend, or to unfriend him.  It sounds kind of trivial, but if we’re honest, Facebook has changed the way we communicate with people and who we communicate with, and it is a huge part of the way we interact as a global society.

I didn’t know what to do.

We went way back…

I liked him!!

I needed advice.  Good advice.  I needed someone wise.

There’s a woman I know.  She’s older, in her sixties, very kind and very wise.  Since I started writing and working from home she’s been visiting with me once a week.  I chose to ask her for advice.

I find that when we go to our friends for advice they’re usually too much like us; they usually have recycled answers that they got from one of their friends, their advice usually isn’t something we haven’t heard before, and many times they’re going to tell us what they think we want to hear.  So when I want advice on something important to me I try to ask at least one person older and wiser than myself, someone who’s experienced more in life—and has succeeded—usually these are the people who aren’t afraid to tell the truth.

I told her about my situation with this person that I was close to about ten years ago.  I told her how for the past couple years, since he joined Facebook, I had been painfully enduring his antichrist and extremely crude misogynist posts, hesitant to “un-friend” him only because we go way back.

She referenced me to the bible, as she always does.

The two verses that were the most direct were: 1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be misled; bad company corrupts good character, and Proverbs 13:20 Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

Of course we should help people and love people and invest in people, but it’s not wise to surround yourself with people who put you in situations where you feel challenged and disrespected, especially when they’re outspoken about it and constantly throw their opposing opinions in your face – or all over your Facebook feed.  As I write that sentence, I’m thinking to myself Wow, that seems pretty obvious, Lauren… but it wasn’t.  I had been wrong all along…

For the last two years I had been struggling with this moral dilemma of: should I keep him as a Facebook friend, or unfriend him?  Now I finally had an answer.

I told her that after his last antichrist post I did something I had never done.

I commented.

In my comment I told him that he should take his own advice (his post referenced how he couldn’t stand Christian’s because they’re always pushing and throwing around their faith in God…) and stop smearing his antipathy for Christians all over the place.  He replied with something to the effect of Facebook is a place where people can speak their views on whatever they want.

I guess he’s right.  It is his Facebook wall and he can post whatever he wants.  But it’s sad.  I unfriended him.

My life has been more pleasant, and I no longer have to worry about what garbage I’m going to see from him on Facebook and wonder how we were ever friends.  If I would have cut the cord from him two years ago when this started, my last memories of him would’ve been the fun and crazy adventures we had together in our early twenties, and not how disturbed I became by his views on women and people of faith.  However, the friendship is dead now.

I think that sometimes we need to cut the cord.  There’s no reason to hold on to something because of something that once was, if what once was is long gone.  If we hold on for the wrong reasons we risk damaging ourselves.  I treasure myself too much to allow that to happen. Of course after my decision Facebook came out with an option to simply block posts and that could have taken care of my problem.  But do I even want to be associated with someone who blatantly hates the two very things that make up who I am?

No, thanks.

Cord = Cut.

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